Thursday 10 March 2011

Can you hear me now?

Imagine you are sitting in a room, or just anywhere, with people you know, or are familiar with, maybe not even that many of them, just 3 or 4. 
Imagine them all talking, chatting, maybe discussing their opinions on something, laughing, joking.
Then imagine you, sitting there, in silence, the words there, but they wont come out. You're so desperate to say something, join in. Why wont the words come out? It builds up, those words just going round in your head, they're right on the tup of your tongue. The frustration builds up. 
Why can't you say those words? A few words? Is it too much to ask? Yes, yes it is. It always is. 
Every single day, this is what happens. Every situation with.. people. You never can.
Or say you need to ask for some help in a class, see other students raising their hands without even giving a second thought, but you.. no, you just sit there, silent. Got the words.. yes. They wont come out, again. Thinking it over and over, can I do it? Can I do it? No, no you can't. 

You want to go in that shop? 
No, why of course not. What if someone talks to you? What if they were to ask you something? What if you weren't able to respond? What if you were to panic? What if something dreadful were to happen?!
What if…
What if you just.. went in and everything were fine? ..Impossible! Obviously, the rational side of your mind would tell you this, but nope, you can't listen to that, you must always listen to the irrational side. You do always listen to the irrational side.

Selective Mutism.

Two words.
Two words can mean a lot of things, or nothing at all.
But these two, for me, are my life. These two words are what effect nearly everything I do, every single day.
I'm not going to start going on about how hard it is for me, a lot of people have it hard, a lot of people have difficulty, I know.
I am going to try and explain, so far as I can, or even just give even the slightest insight as to how these two words, this condition, has effected my life.
It's not an easy thing to explain, or understand, at all. Infect, it is only others who also have this condition will even begin to understand. 
But I am going to try to tell you what a large impact this has on my life, how it affects every little thing I do, and try to hopefully raise some sort of awareness of this horrible condition.